My Future Dream Relationship
- Lorena Acar, Life Coach
- Oct 9, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 11, 2024
Let’s talk about relationships—healing from the past, making space for the new, and manifesting that dream relationship you’ve always wanted. I’m right there with you, working through this process in real-time! Whether you’re recovering from heartbreak or getting clear on what you want, I want to share the tools I am using. I hope that they help you shift the energy around your love life.
Healing the Past Relationship
The first thing I’m doing is clearing out the residue of my past relationship. Trust me, this part is tough but necessary. It’s like cleaning out a closet—you can’t fit in new, beautiful things if you’re holding on to an older and outdated wardrobe.
Here’s a tool that’s I've found super helpful: writing three letters. This might sound repetitive, but each one serves a different purpose. It helps me process, purge, and find my truth.
The F&%k You Letter – This is where I let it all out. F-bombs and all! This one is about gettig your unfiltered self on paper. I won’t send this letter; in fact, I’ll burn it later. It’s just to release the grip that anger and frustration had on my heart. It's a step in reclaiming my power.
The Facts – This letter contains all of the facts. It’s important to list out the facts because it lays everything out in black and white and keeps me grounded in reality. This letter also helps filter through the emotions. By separating fact from fiction, I get a clearer picture.
Your Truth Letter – This is the one I could read if I ever cross paths with my ex-partner ever again and get a chance to speak my truth. It’s about honoring my feelings in a calm, clear way. It’s the communication that expresses the real impact the relationship had on me, without all the emotional baggage.
While it might seem overkill to write three letters, the act of processing in layers really helps.
The next step in the healing process is to write down any pivotal moments—those raw, gut-wrenching situations that left scars. Make sure you include examples and how they made you feel and you write everything on paper, journaling. Numerous scientific studies have consistently demonstrated the multitude of benefits associated with journaling using paper and pen. From reducing stress and anxiety to enhancing self-reflection and emotional well-being, the evidence overwhelmingly supports the therapeutic power of this timeless practice (Mental Health Benefits of Journaling WebMD 2024)
Once everything is all laid out, I review my writing (the data) for recurring patterns. For example, for me, disrespect was a common theme throughtout the writing. Other topics emerge and I can take note.
Armed with the facts, I can now start to create my list of "musts" in any relationship. Here's my list:
Respect / Consideration
Trust
Commitment
Communication
These became my non-negotiables. My must haves!
After these steps, I sometimes feel a emotionally raw and depleted. If this is the case, I make sure that I listen to what my body needs and make sure I am taking care of myself. I take a break.
Once I'm ready, I move to the next steps in the healing process:
Gratitude
Even in the toughest relationships, there’s something to be grateful for. For me, it’s vulnerability. I’m grateful for learning how to open up, even when it was hard. Gratitude doesn’t mean we overlook the pain, but it helps me honor the good and the growth that came from it.
Forgiveness
This one’s a biggie. I’m working on forgiving my ex for the betrayal and, more importantly, forgiving myself for the times I betrayed myself by staying too long or ignoring red flags. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the behavior—it releases the hold it has on me. Then, I plan a release ceremony where I burn those letters and let the past go.
Making Space for a New Relationship
Once I’ve cleared out the old, it’s time to focus on what I want in my dream relationship. One exercise I love is flipping the negative behaviors from my past into positive affirmations. I learned this fantastic tool from my Life Coach. For example, if I felt disrespected, I flip it to: “I am ready to receive the man of my dreams who loves and respects me in my glorious feminine.” I write these “I Am” statements using Sarah Centrella’s SayIT step from the Centrella Method and repeat them morning and night. It helps reprogram my mindset for what I truly deserve.
What I’m Doing Differently in My Dream Relationship
I’ve learned a lot from past mistakes. The first thing I’m changing is the pace. It’s okay to take things slow. The courting phase should give me time to observe how this person behaves in different situations—at home, on the road, at dinner, with their family. I want to know how they treat the waitstaff and how they react when things don’t go their way.
I’ve also learned to distinguish between chemistry and connection. Chemistry can be intoxicating, but connection is the real glue. Connection feels grounded, calm, and consistent. It’s steady, balanced, and safe—everything I need in a future partner.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If you’re also working on manifesting your dream relationship, here are some powerful questions to ask:
What does your ideal relationship look and feel like?
What are your “musts”? (Kindness, respect, loyalty, etc.)
What are your deal breakers or red flags?
Are you in your feminine energy? Is he in his healed masculine energy?
What is your love language? What’s his? (If you haven’t taken the quiz, do it!)
How do you want to resolve conflict? Do you want regular check-ins?
What are your goals as a couple? Kids? Travel? Shared dreams?
How will each of you support self-care, mental health, and friendships?
These are the questions that create a roadmap for a thriving relationship, and the answers will help me stay grounded and intentional.
Daily Actions to Manifest Love
Every day, I take action towards calling in my dream relationship. Here’s what I do:
Morning: I write and read aloud my “I Am” statements related to my future partner. I also write a gratitude list for what I already have in my life.
Night: I get on my knees and pray. I ask God for the specifics of my future husband, both the light and fun things and the deep, meaningful qualities. Then, I surrender my love life to Him. I trust that the right person is on the way and thank God for my future husband in advance.
This journey is one of healing, releasing, and opening my heart to what’s truly meant for me. It’s a mix of gratitude, forgiveness, and intentional action. And I know, without a doubt, that the man I’m manifesting is on his way.
The future is looking bright, my friends. Stay committed to your growth, your healing, and your dream relationship will meet you where you are.
xoxo,
Lorena Acar, MBA, Life Coach
Books, resources, and sources of inspiration:
Sarah Centrella Self-help Books
Hustle, Believe, Receive
The Things I Wish I Knew
The Love Language Quiz – If you haven’t taken it, do it now!
Secure Love by Julie Menanno
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People by Dr. Ramani Durvasula
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